H E L P

I look to you friends for some advice. Sleep has become a little bit of an issue around here. Some days there is plenty but on some days it is only happening during the day.
For the longest time Calli was napping two times for about an hour each and going to sleep at 8:30 with a 5:30 wake up. Now she is napping sporadically, sometimes in the morning and afternoon, sometimes not all and everything in between. Our bedtime routine has become crazy... she used to nurse to sleep and go right down until the morning, and most of the time I was putting her in bed awake.
For the past couple of weeks she cries her head off for an hour or so til I nurse her again or take her out and either let her sleep with me or we have to keep taking her out and rubbing her back and singing until she falls asleep. On top of all that she wakes up every night between 3-4:30. I have a hard time letting her cry it out at that time because I have to work in the morning so I usually put her in bed with me where she either falls right back asleep or she bugs me until I take her downstairs and put on the Disney channel. That was this morning... I barely had 4 hours of sleep altogether.
UGH. I don't know what to do. She starts daycare back next week and hubby goes back to work and we will all be in a crazy schedule for the fall... I'm at a loss.
Tonight she was rubbing her eyes by 6:30 so she went to bed without the histrionics... we will see how long it lasts...
Advice.... please!

s

FRIDAY

Whoa this has been one l o n g week. Not a lot of sleep. Lots of worrying about Calli girl!! I am in N E E D of a weekend. Yup! TGIF big time. Hope you have a great one!!

Smooches!

xoxo
S

Maybe too much info...

Calliope has not been feeling well lately. So the other day when she fell asleep in the car on the way home I didn't want to cut her nap short so I started driving around. Being in Hartford I decided to drive to the cemetery. My daughter is buried with my dad. I find a lot of comfort in that especially because it was a hard fought battle to get that to happen.

DISCLAIMER!!! Here is the story. So stop reading if you don't want to know...

After I delivered Luciana there were so many decisions that needed to be made right away and one of them was where we would send her body. I never in a million years thought about this and it was really hard to even contemplate. Lucky for us we were surrounded by family and they helped us do the research to decide which was the best funeral home to deal with this situation. The next decision was where would we want her to rest for always. Again, not a detail that we were thinking of having to deal with. Hubby was adamant that we didn't cremate and although I also didn't want to do that we didn't know where to bury her. My father is buried in Hartford and there are three plots there with him but we didn't want to use a whole plot for her.
My mother in law was the main contact with the funeral home for all these issues. For a while we thought we could bury her in the same plot as my father but it turned out that he wasn't buried deep enough. It was fate that my mother in law mentioned to the funeral director our names because it turned out that we went to college together and she remembered us. She worked with the cemetery to figure it out. There used to be two trees that flanked my father's grave stone, now there is one and my daughter....
So when I drove to the cemetery the other day with Calli snoozing, I jumped out real quick to say hi and as I got closer I saw that one single weed was growing out of the spot where Luciana is laid to rest and it is the most beautiful weed in the universe. My favorite flowers are daisies, so the fact that these kinda look like daisies really made me a smile... and at a time when I needed a smile.

Not sure why I decided to share this story with you today but I came across the pictures on my phone and felt the need to share.

xo
S

Facebook

I am having such a problem with Facebook lately... I love to see what people are up to and watch their children grow and hear about all the good stuff that is happening. What I hate are the ads and sponsored posts and whatnot. I also feel like every time I post something I think so much about what people are thinking about me and judging me based on my posts... It really irritates me that I put so much thought into it.
This past weekend my family and I were on a mini vacation and having some much needed time away to unwind and spend some time together and with good friends. Friday also happened to be the anniversary of my first daughter, Luciana's demise. We took a few minutes to remember and mourn and then we continued our vacation. I bought a necklace that made me think of her.
I wanted to post about it and started to a few times and then didn't. I struggled with what people would think and what I would say in between my posts of enjoyment. Let's face it, I was struggling with the memory too. I've been thinking about it for days now and I really can't figure it out. I'm glad that I didn't post a thing.
That day will forever be etched in my memory as the saddest day ever. Thank you for thinking of me.

xo
S

Summer time

Oh what fun! Although I am still working full time and taking a class (that ends in a week or so) we are trying to maximize the summer nights and weekends as much as possible. We try to take a walk every night after dinner and spend every weekend doing something fun. Splash pads and visiting with friends, visiting the town carnival, taking a dip in the pool, ice cream for lunch and dinner, shorts and sandals and smelling like sunscreen... I hope summer never ends.
Calli has been staying home with Daddy and it is so cool to see their relationship grow. I was so excited about this but it has been harder than  I expected! I AM JEALOUS! I WANT TO
We also had our one year/family photo shoot with the very talented Leah Martin. She was amazing! I have known her a super long time so we all felt at ease and she was quick to figure out what would work best for us. See some pics below! Call her if you are thinking of doing this! I highly recommend!!!

I am holding off on 15 month stats because our appointment is scheduled for 16 months for some reason... stay tuned.

NUMBERS

I constantly feel like I'm playing a game of numbers everywhere I go...
Age, weight, salary, calories, miles, sizes, prices, number of babies, how many semesters left... It is a lot to think about and a lot of try to navigate. I am 37 years old, I can see 40 and am starting to think about what I want to be when I am 40 and what I need to do to get there. It's a lot of work but it needs to be done. Boring right? More like scary!!!
Some of the questions I am pondering are "do we want to have another baby?", "Is this degree really worth all of this time away from my family?", "What is my three year plan?", "how do I get a three year plan?", "why do I eat better and work out and don't lose a pound?", "How much salary is enough? and how do I get there and still have some flexibility?"...
These are truly the things that keep me up at night. I'm not writing them here for answers necessarily; more to write them out and let them out into the universe and see what happens. I am a true believer that things happen when they are supposed to and that answers bubble up when you least expect it. I am writing this to say "OK UNIVERSE! I'M READY FOR SOME ANSWERS!!"
I also think that women go through a lot of the same things at the same time and don't talk about it and therefore don't have anyone to to go through it with. Yes of course my husband and I talk about all of this and more but sometimes it is nice to get a woman's perspective, especially someone who may be pondering the same questions at 3am.
I had my first meeting with a member of my personal board of directors, to talk about these very things. She was great and was able to give me some ideas on how to get started on this three year plan. I'll keep you posted!
Ciao
S

Random

• As I was driving to work this morning my coffee cup slipped and spilled coffee on my pants and shirt and I didn't have a tissue nearby to sop it up. Great way to start the day.
• Last night baby girl was sleeping and hubby was working late... as I was walking through the house locking up and dodging toys and whatnot I was smiling so huge I could barely stand it. 
• Hubby and I usually take a week long vacation. The past couple of summers we didn't plan one but ended up on vacation anyway... This year it just isn't in the cards for us. We had to fix our roof and the car has been in the shop more than in the driveway and we just can't swing it and IT IS SO FREAKING SAD! I'm trying really hard to plan some little trips here and there but it isn't the same. AND everything is so expensive. ugh. 
• Hubby has officially started daddy daycare and I LOVE and HATE it at the same time. I love it because I am super excited about the fact that baby girl and hubby get to spend all this time together. I hate it because I cannot be there too!!! I also am trying really hard not to tell him what to do with their time. This is the HARDEST part.
• I had the house professionally cleaned about a month ago. It started because my best friend had her house cleaned and organized in anticipation of her second child. I had been thinking about it for a while because it was becoming overwhelming... the dust bunnies were about to ban together and strike about the working conditions being so bad. I swear it was that bad and I couldn't even think where to begin. It was a little pricier than I was expecting (listen to me whine two bullets ago about expenses... this was before the car decided to move in with the mechanic!!) but totally worth it. She came over to assess the damage and talk about what needed to be done, that prompted me to spend most of Sunday cleaning up the clutter and clearing the way for her to do the deep cleaning that the house needed. It was SO AMAZING to come home to a clean house! I wish we could afford it more often. But it has helped me to keep up with it a little better. 
• For the first time in my adult life I bought a pair of white jeans!! AND I wore them and didn't get a thing on them! For me, this is quite an accomplishment.
• Full disclosure... book club is at my house tomorrow night and I haven't even LOOKED at the book much less opened or read a word of it! FAIL!
 

See you some other random time!