Calli knows who he is, can point him out in a crowd and might be dreaming about him; the other morning she whispered in my ear, "Santa!"

This past Sunday evening we got bundled up to hear the carol sing, watch Santa arrive and visit with him. We missed most of it but still got to visit with Santa.

This is gonna be fun!

Calli: Mesmerized by the lights and the music. Greg: freezing.

All bundled up, waiting to visit Santa.


Food Allergy

Last Sunday I was snacking on a pecan sticky bun and Calli was in my lap begging for a bite. I gave her a piece and as she ran back to play with her toys I turned to my computer to continue writing my paper. I could hear her in the other room gagging a little and I could tell something was wrong. I scooped her up and brought her upstairs to my husband. When we got there she vomited. We cleaned her up gave her some Benadryl and tried to get on with our day. A few minutes later she threw up again. Worrisome but nothing else was happening. I called the doctors office anyway to ask if they thought I should be worried. They wanted to see her. Turns out that vomiting is a symptom of anaphylaxis. Calli has vomited before from granola and has gotten hives from an everything cookie as well as some other stuff. The doctor felt that we were out of the woods on Sunday but wanted us to see an allergist to see what was up.
Tuesday morning we visited an allergist and finally got tested. They rubbed some nut essence into Calli's arms as well as dog essence and eggs. Turns out that Calli is allergic to tree nuts, dogs and eggs (Although she can eat baked goods with eggs in them). The test itself was not that bad; the hard part was keeping Calli from scratching her arms for the 15 minute duration.
Yes, you heard me...nuts. We are now a nut free family... but not peanuts. Yup. Cuh-razy!
I am having a hard time processing all of this. I am hyper aware of everything she puts in her mouth. Every time she coughs I am checking to see if her lips are swelling. I am already anticipating using the epi-pen. I know that this is pretty common these days and much more do-able than it used to be... I am still FUH-REAKING out.
I dreamed last night that I had to give a speech about food allergies...
I know that this is normal given the gravity and newness of the news... however.

Anyone out there have any experience?



Speaking of videos...

This is Calli singing Happy Birthday... you can't see much but you can hear her.


Holiday magic... update

I am in need of some serious holiday magic. I am on the lookout and will jam pack my days/nights and everything in between with some serious injections of everything HOLIDAYS. I already started listening to a holiday station on Pandora and I started watching a holiday movie with Calli today. (Not sure if she noticed... but I LOVED it.)  I am already planning some Santa visits and it is very likely that the holiday dish towels will come out soon... we are still using the Halloween ones! Next on the list is a holiday inspired drink at Starbucks and I will don my Santa socks. Watch out holiday season, HERE I COME!

A good friend found this video of me (wink wink)... nailing the holidays all over the place.



Right now I am away.
I am at a conference in Boston.
Away from my family.
Away from my beautiful girl.
Away from the office.
I am sad and missing everything and everyone.
But.... I am also having a good time.
I am learning and networking and eating out without a high chair.

Also... kinda feeling guilty.



18 months

Saturday marked 18 months for Calli girl! She is just so much fun! She understands so much and is so quick to pick stuff up. We are going to the doctor on Friday for her checkup, so I will update with stats then. In the meantime here are some fun videos I took last week.


October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

I was scrolling through Facebook during my lunch hour, eating my salad, none the wiser and then a Huffington Post Article caught my eye. I clicked on it and read it and started to cry.
I didn't know that this month was so significant. And I didn't know that today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
This article is really well written and I agree with a lot of it. I will talk about Luciana and but don't be surprised if I cry or if at times I won't talk about it. There are moments every day that I think about her and what it would be like to have two daughters. I don't know that I will ever forget. I don't know that I will ever stop grieving.
I write this all to give you some insight into dealing with someone who has dealt with or is dealing with loss. First; every person is different so don't think that because your aunt/cousin/sister-in-law or whomever went through this and dealt with it their way that everyone is the same. Second, try not to tell the story of your loss or your sister's/ cousin's/ aunt's or whomever loss until that person is ready. They may not ever be ready or they might want to sign up for a support group on day one. Listening is important.
The hardest part right now is that I want so much to enjoy and be present in every moment with my beautiful daughter but sometimes I get caught up in grief and I feel guilty. I shouldn't think about what could have been when I have been so incredibly blessed. But I also know that this is my story and someday I will get to tell Calliope about her sister angel that watches over us all.
Sending love and hugs out to you all.


Oh no...

So we were playing outside the other day and Calli decided to pour out an almost full bottle of bubbles. I missed her yelling "OH NO" by mere moments.


Sleep.... sleep... s l e e p... zzzzzzzz

So the good news is that Calli has the ability to sleep through the night. The problem is that she doesn't always do it. It really is the one thing that plagues me about this girl...
Well that and she does stuff for my daycare provider that she will not do for me... like eat pancakes and get pig tails.
This weekend she started with a runny nose and ended with a little cough... and so it begins.
Hope everyone had a great weekend. Here are some pics from this morning and yesterday.



I look to you friends for some advice. Sleep has become a little bit of an issue around here. Some days there is plenty but on some days it is only happening during the day.
For the longest time Calli was napping two times for about an hour each and going to sleep at 8:30 with a 5:30 wake up. Now she is napping sporadically, sometimes in the morning and afternoon, sometimes not all and everything in between. Our bedtime routine has become crazy... she used to nurse to sleep and go right down until the morning, and most of the time I was putting her in bed awake.
For the past couple of weeks she cries her head off for an hour or so til I nurse her again or take her out and either let her sleep with me or we have to keep taking her out and rubbing her back and singing until she falls asleep. On top of all that she wakes up every night between 3-4:30. I have a hard time letting her cry it out at that time because I have to work in the morning so I usually put her in bed with me where she either falls right back asleep or she bugs me until I take her downstairs and put on the Disney channel. That was this morning... I barely had 4 hours of sleep altogether.
UGH. I don't know what to do. She starts daycare back next week and hubby goes back to work and we will all be in a crazy schedule for the fall... I'm at a loss.
Tonight she was rubbing her eyes by 6:30 so she went to bed without the histrionics... we will see how long it lasts...
Advice.... please!




Whoa this has been one l o n g week. Not a lot of sleep. Lots of worrying about Calli girl!! I am in N E E D of a weekend. Yup! TGIF big time. Hope you have a great one!!



Maybe too much info...

Calliope has not been feeling well lately. So the other day when she fell asleep in the car on the way home I didn't want to cut her nap short so I started driving around. Being in Hartford I decided to drive to the cemetery. My daughter is buried with my dad. I find a lot of comfort in that especially because it was a hard fought battle to get that to happen.

DISCLAIMER!!! Here is the story. So stop reading if you don't want to know...

After I delivered Luciana there were so many decisions that needed to be made right away and one of them was where we would send her body. I never in a million years thought about this and it was really hard to even contemplate. Lucky for us we were surrounded by family and they helped us do the research to decide which was the best funeral home to deal with this situation. The next decision was where would we want her to rest for always. Again, not a detail that we were thinking of having to deal with. Hubby was adamant that we didn't cremate and although I also didn't want to do that we didn't know where to bury her. My father is buried in Hartford and there are three plots there with him but we didn't want to use a whole plot for her.
My mother in law was the main contact with the funeral home for all these issues. For a while we thought we could bury her in the same plot as my father but it turned out that he wasn't buried deep enough. It was fate that my mother in law mentioned to the funeral director our names because it turned out that we went to college together and she remembered us. She worked with the cemetery to figure it out. There used to be two trees that flanked my father's grave stone, now there is one and my daughter....
So when I drove to the cemetery the other day with Calli snoozing, I jumped out real quick to say hi and as I got closer I saw that one single weed was growing out of the spot where Luciana is laid to rest and it is the most beautiful weed in the universe. My favorite flowers are daisies, so the fact that these kinda look like daisies really made me a smile... and at a time when I needed a smile.

Not sure why I decided to share this story with you today but I came across the pictures on my phone and felt the need to share.




I am having such a problem with Facebook lately... I love to see what people are up to and watch their children grow and hear about all the good stuff that is happening. What I hate are the ads and sponsored posts and whatnot. I also feel like every time I post something I think so much about what people are thinking about me and judging me based on my posts... It really irritates me that I put so much thought into it.
This past weekend my family and I were on a mini vacation and having some much needed time away to unwind and spend some time together and with good friends. Friday also happened to be the anniversary of my first daughter, Luciana's demise. We took a few minutes to remember and mourn and then we continued our vacation. I bought a necklace that made me think of her.
I wanted to post about it and started to a few times and then didn't. I struggled with what people would think and what I would say in between my posts of enjoyment. Let's face it, I was struggling with the memory too. I've been thinking about it for days now and I really can't figure it out. I'm glad that I didn't post a thing.
That day will forever be etched in my memory as the saddest day ever. Thank you for thinking of me.



Summer time

Oh what fun! Although I am still working full time and taking a class (that ends in a week or so) we are trying to maximize the summer nights and weekends as much as possible. We try to take a walk every night after dinner and spend every weekend doing something fun. Splash pads and visiting with friends, visiting the town carnival, taking a dip in the pool, ice cream for lunch and dinner, shorts and sandals and smelling like sunscreen... I hope summer never ends.
Calli has been staying home with Daddy and it is so cool to see their relationship grow. I was so excited about this but it has been harder than  I expected! I AM JEALOUS! I WANT TO
We also had our one year/family photo shoot with the very talented Leah Martin. She was amazing! I have known her a super long time so we all felt at ease and she was quick to figure out what would work best for us. See some pics below! Call her if you are thinking of doing this! I highly recommend!!!

I am holding off on 15 month stats because our appointment is scheduled for 16 months for some reason... stay tuned.



I constantly feel like I'm playing a game of numbers everywhere I go...
Age, weight, salary, calories, miles, sizes, prices, number of babies, how many semesters left... It is a lot to think about and a lot of try to navigate. I am 37 years old, I can see 40 and am starting to think about what I want to be when I am 40 and what I need to do to get there. It's a lot of work but it needs to be done. Boring right? More like scary!!!
Some of the questions I am pondering are "do we want to have another baby?", "Is this degree really worth all of this time away from my family?", "What is my three year plan?", "how do I get a three year plan?", "why do I eat better and work out and don't lose a pound?", "How much salary is enough? and how do I get there and still have some flexibility?"...
These are truly the things that keep me up at night. I'm not writing them here for answers necessarily; more to write them out and let them out into the universe and see what happens. I am a true believer that things happen when they are supposed to and that answers bubble up when you least expect it. I am writing this to say "OK UNIVERSE! I'M READY FOR SOME ANSWERS!!"
I also think that women go through a lot of the same things at the same time and don't talk about it and therefore don't have anyone to to go through it with. Yes of course my husband and I talk about all of this and more but sometimes it is nice to get a woman's perspective, especially someone who may be pondering the same questions at 3am.
I had my first meeting with a member of my personal board of directors, to talk about these very things. She was great and was able to give me some ideas on how to get started on this three year plan. I'll keep you posted!



  • As I was driving to work this morning my coffee cup slipped and spilled coffee on my pants and shirt and I didn't have a tissue nearby to sop it up. Great way to start the day.
  • Last night baby girl was sleeping and hubby was working late... as I was walking through the house locking up and dodging toys and whatnot I was smiling so huge I could barely stand it. 
  • Hubby and I usually take a week long vacation. The past couple of summers we didn't plan one but ended up on vacation anyway... This year it just isn't in the cards for us. We had to fix our roof and the car has been in the shop more than in the driveway and we just can't swing it and IT IS SO FREAKING SAD! I'm trying really hard to plan some little trips here and there but it isn't the same. AND everything is so expensive. ugh. 
  • Hubby has officially started daddy daycare and I LOVE and HATE it at the same time. I love it because I am super excited about the fact that baby girl and hubby get to spend all this time together. I hate it because I cannot be there too!!! I also am trying really hard not to tell him what to do with their time. This is the HARDEST part.
  • I had the house professionally cleaned about a month ago. It started because my best friend had her house cleaned and organized in anticipation of her second child. I had been thinking about it for a while because it was becoming overwhelming... the dust bunnies were about to ban together and strike about the working conditions being so bad. I swear it was that bad and I couldn't even think where to begin. It was a little pricier than I was expecting (listen to me whine two bullets ago about expenses... this was before the car decided to move in with the mechanic!!) but totally worth it. She came over to assess the damage and talk about what needed to be done, that prompted me to spend most of Sunday cleaning up the clutter and clearing the way for her to do the deep cleaning that the house needed. It was SO AMAZING to come home to a clean house! I wish we could afford it more often. But it has helped me to keep up with it a little better. 
  • For the first time in my adult life I bought a pair of white jeans!! AND I wore them and didn't get a thing on them! For me, this is quite an accomplishment.
  • Full disclosure... book club is at my house tomorrow night and I haven't even LOOKED at the book much less opened or read a word of it! FAIL!
    See you some other random time! 


14 months

For the record I have started a few posts and just never got around to posting. Yes, it has been a whole month since I last posted. Little lady is 14 months today! 
She is precocious and amazing and really starting to communicate. She lets you know what is up! The pictures tell the whole story. Enjoy!!


13 months

I can't believe I let this one slip by. My beautiful girl is 13 months. She weighs about 22 pounds, walks everywhere and is the BIGGEST goof ball EVER. She likes to laugh, pretend she is talking on the phone and lately she puts a kitchen towel over her head and tries to walk around. I don't love that one but she thinks it's hilarious.
She is breaking four molars at once so there are a lot of whiny moments and lots of needing to be held. I hate that she is in pain and I want to hold her whenever she wants me to because I want her to feel better. When I do finally put her down she instantly falls to the ground with wails and sobs; DRAMA! It doesn't generally last long, especially when she realizes that it isn't getting her anywhere. She knows and says more words everyday. She loves to point out dogs and her nose and we've spent a lot of time talking about what sounds animals make; she tries to mimic me and she does pretty good.
The weather is finally getting better so we can walk after dinner and take trips to the park for turns on the swing.
We are having fun!
On Saturday I finally brought her into the pool with me at the gym. She LOVED it. She was a little weary at first but warmed up quickly. The hardest part was getting us both showered and dressed. I'm sure that will get easier with practice.

(I wrote this a few days ago and have been waiting to put a pic with it... might as well wait forever!)


Mother's Day

What a great day! At the very beginning of the day I got a gift that I didn't ask for and didn't even know I wanted or needed.... we slept until 8am! What a difference those last few hours make. I had to get up at 5:30 to feed Calli but she fell back asleep right away and cuddled with me until 8. Loved it.
Hubby and baby girl took me out to eat at our fave neighborhood spot and then we went to the park for swings, slides and a peek at the waterfall.
I also got to spend some time with my own wonderful mother for some retail therapy and a quick dinner with my sister and her family.
What more could a gal ask for... oh yeah... flowers, chocolate and a special steak dinner! Yup. On top of all that it was the first GORGEOUS day of the year. Wonderful.


Meal Planning

Lately this has been the most difficult thing in my house. Calli is getting bigger and eating the same kinds of food that we eat but I can’t seem to get it together to make one meal that we all eat. Some of the difficulty comes from the fact that we all come home at such different times. Calli gets home at 3:30 and isn’t generally ready to eat until 5:30ish; it all depends on if she needs a cat nap. Hubby gets home somewhere around there and is usually ready to eat around 5:30ish; usually depends on if he needs a snack before that. I get home anywhere between 3:30 and 5:30 depending on if I am doing the pick-up that day and if I have class or an evening event and I can eat whenever.
There is the problem right there… they are all ready to eat the minute I get home and at this moment in time and I don’t have a plan in place; so what happens is that I scrape something together for Calli to eat and hubby will either already have eaten some leftovers or will make something else for us to eat (Calli usually doesn’t eat it because she will already have needed to eat or it is too spicy for her). THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE. When I have time and my sh*t together I usually make some bigger meals on Sunday or will roast lots of veggies and have them available to fill out any meal during the week. As of late (because of class, shooting weddings, baby’s birthday, Easter and other various obligations) I have not had any weekend time to prep and have resorted to eating popcorn or my favorite tortilla chips with melted cheese for dinner.
I have some ideas on how to do it but I don’t quite know how to get started and to sustain it. My dream is to have a dinner plan for the whole week that we stick to so that whoever is home first can start it and we can eat as a family all at the same time at the dining room table. I realize that this is probably not going to work every night and that the key is being flexible and up for anything (I am not sarcastic when I say that I love tortilla chips with melted cheese and salsa for dinner).
So bloggie  friends… I ask you… how do you do it? What works for you and what do you find challenging for family meals and planning?

Thanks peeps. Xo


1st birthday

Dear Calliope,
Today is your first birthday. I can remember the first moment I saw you and thought wow, you're here I am so happy and now what?! Haha. Instead of crying you squeaked. It was so cute. The rest of that night was such a blur and the moments were so fleeting and they took you away so quickly because I wasn't feeling good and I kept wondering where you were and when I would see you again.
The doctor came to meet you that morning and asked me if I had inspected you yet and I was so surprised to say no. When you were finally in my arms again I couldn't stop staring at you and whispering to you how long I had waited for you and to tell you how amazing you were that I hadn't had the chance to check you out. The doctor and I inspected you together; every inch and fold and crevice. It was confirmed that you were perfect.
Every day you continue to amaze me. Your smile, your coos, and now your words and games. Every day my love for you grows although I can't imagine that I can love you any more. Lately you have been waking me up by saying mama and giving me kisses, nothing makes me happier. Seeing your smile and getting your kisses is the BEST way to wake up in the morning. You are so happy and confident and fairly easy to please. You love daycare and the kids and daycare providers love you right back and that makes this mama happy as can be. I know that you are in good hands and showered with love. This family can't get enough of you. If they aren't around or can't get to visit you in person we have lots of FaceTime visits full of love and smiles and kisses. You talk/babble up a storm and are always ready to ham it up for FT. It's a love fest.
I love you so much. I love our time in the car when we can chat and sing and listen to music and just be plain silly.  Last week when we visited the park and you had your first swing I envisioned the summer and what fun we have in store. You are amazing! Can't wait for dips in the pool this summer and running around the sprinkler and more trips to the park.
Love you,


Wonderful start to the birthday week!

My sweet thing. 

Calli looks like she is showing off her new hat but in fact she is trying to figure out how to pull it off. 

Friday afternoon there was a power outtage at work so I came home early to finish up some emails and got to pick up my darling. I cherish that kinda stuff so much because I see and feel time speeding up and running away. Hubby took Calli to the grocery store with him so I could do some more work and try to pick up a bit around here. We had a great dinner and off to bed. Saturday was filled with gym, visiting my mom at the salon to get my eyebrows waxed, a visit to a family friend that is housebound, and hanging around the house while we got some stuff done. It was so chill and amazing at the same time. Every day this past week I have looked at Calli and just noticed in different ways how quickly she is growing and moving out of the baby stage. She took a step the other night and yesterday stood up from sitting, usually she has to pull herself up on something. She is so proud of herself in those moments and I am so so so proud too. Today we had a playdate with some ladies from the office that have had babies in the last year as well. We had fun watching them all play together and talked about the different stages we are all in. We walked across the street to the park and Calli went on the swings for the first time. It was so fun and special. Afterward we came home and napped and read for a little while and then spent the afternoon playing and trying to get some homework done. All in all a wonderful weekend and perfect start to a awesome birthday week.
Calli got her first shiner earlier in the week when she fell playing with her friends at daycare. 

Ciao for now!
Calli on the swings for the first time!