tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70510062312572781212024-03-14T01:08:56.457-05:00Left of Center, Against the GrainWhere you can find me.Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.comBlogger449125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-53676846627767296822015-11-22T14:30:00.001-05:002015-11-22T14:45:42.079-05:00ThankfulThursday is Thanksgiving.<br />
I am thankful everyday for my blessings in life. I have a beautiful family and support circle that hold me up every minute of every day. <br />
Today as I am sitting in the library and working on my huge paper that is to be the culmination of my graduate studies, as the rain gently falls, as I finish my red cupped cappuccino I am struck with being thankful for the struggles.<br />
I am not perfect... not by any stretch of the imagination. My house always needs to be picked up and cleaned. My clothes are not of the most recent season's styles, probably not the past three years worth of styles. Currently they are a little baggy because I have been watching what I eat (and don't eat) but usually they are a bit tight because I carry extra weight. I have emails that I mean to write, calls that I want to sit and make, books that are towering over my nightstand... these are my daily struggles.<br />
I struggle to be present in every moment with my child because I know the times is quietly slipping by. I am struggling to be patient with my mom; the days are hard and time is so precious for us right now. I am struggling to get it all done; work homework, housework, preparing for the holidays, being a good mom, wife, sister, daughter being good to myself.<br />
Although I am struggling, I am thankful that I am trying and not giving up. I am grateful that I have a circle of people that are so supportive and care for me that they are there to allow me struggle.<br />
In this holiday season I am hopeful to be more appreciative of my people and to let them know that I love them and am thankful for them and thankful that they allow me to be me.<br />
I hope for everyone that this Thursday is a day of reflection, love, hope and being grateful. <br />
Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-61197317787005673472015-10-03T15:30:00.000-05:002015-10-03T15:30:00.127-05:00I'm sorry... so sorryI know, I did it again. Took a huge hiatus and didn't tell anyone. Not really sure how it happened... except that I decided not to take a class this summer and REALLY enjoy the time with my girl and my family AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID!!!<br />
It was lovely, truly lovely. We went to the park after work, splash pads and pools on the weekends. Weekend trips and museums and everything in between. Calli and Daddy took a music class and loved it. Calli and I took swimming lessons and kinda sorta loved it.<br />
Toward the end of the summer we had visitors from Germany and took them to the beach for a week and we ALL loved it. The summer of love. I promised myself that I wouldn't take any more summer classes... but if I take a class this spring, I could take a class this summer and BE DONE. Ohmygosh!!! Can you believe that in less than 12 months I might be done with this darn degree!!! Wahoo. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch and all but dang, that could be AH-MA-ZING!!!<br />
In other news: Calli said <b>the</b> F word yesterday. It was hilarious and terrifying at the same time. I always joked that her first word was going to be the F word because my hubby and I have such bad language, but when it finally happened I didn't know what to do. Of course stopping laughing hysterically was the first thing I needed to do, but after that... do I punish her? punish hubby? Well... we didn't do a thing. My second thought was, the less of a big deal I make this the less she will make of it as well. Hope that works.<br />
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Ok my long lost friends.<br />
Ciao for now.<br />
SStefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-43617180036877964842015-06-01T20:54:00.000-05:002015-06-01T20:56:16.319-05:00Corporate LifeSo... it's been crickets over here because I've been working hard for the money... so hard for it honey.<br />
This new job is my first foray into the corporate world. I've never worked for such a huge corporation. It's very different... V E R Y!!<br />
For instance...<br />
<ul>
<li>There are 7000 people in my office... and 17000 in the whole corporation. So the people that I walk by everyday may never know who I am. #sosadforthem</li>
<li>There is a process for everything and a process to learn those processes and a process excellence team. Chances are if you need help there is a process for that too... You can't just walk down the hall and go sit with Flo to figure out where you are with the budget.</li>
<li>When there are this many people working on the cog wheel meetings are important, and there are plenty of them. They start on time, they adhere closely to an agenda and it's all about ending on time... or before... people love to get those few precious minutes back.</li>
<li>Since there are people all over the country and on 22+ floors, a lot of the meetings are virtual so a lot of my day is spent on the phone. </li>
<li>Meetings aren't the only virtual thing... most of the trainings are virtual too. I am virtual too... meaning I get to work from home... whenever I need to.</li>
<li>The budgets match the workforce... huge. Two sponsorships and a membership is the whole 12 year budget at my last job.</li>
<li>You can't really tell what someone does by their title. I guess that happens everywhere.... </li>
<li> There are a million acronyms... M I L L I O N S...</li>
<li>Since there are so many people you literally need a map to the different parking lots.</li>
<li>Head shots are a big deal. In some instances it is the only way to see what someone looks like. </li>
</ul>
All in all things are going well. I am enjoying the challenges and looking to overcome the hurdles... Would you expect anything else?!<br />
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<br />
Ciao<br />
SStefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-58299829809329940412015-04-20T20:24:00.000-05:002015-04-20T20:24:46.164-05:00Birthday WeekendEveryone told me that she would grow up before my eyes, but I didn't believe it... or didn't want to believe it. But now I am a believer. The last couple of weeks Calli has really turned into a little girl. All the baby stuff is gone... except that bottle. It her crutch!!<br />
She talks up a storm, and sings and remembers the stories we read at night and answers Mickey when he asks if she knows which tool they should use to solve the problem.<br />
We turned her car seat around so she can see what we see; she was AMAZED!! It was so fun to experience that with her for the first time.<br />
She will also tell you when she doesn't want something, or to do something... or actually all the time. She says NO! all the time. She is feisty and independent and strong. She might play shy but she loves people and will talk to everyone... (wonder where she gets that!!)<br />
We had a great birthday weekend. We got her a tricycle and although she didn't seem interested at first she really got into it.<br />
I didn't get a lot of pictures at her birthday because I was having such a good time soaking it in.<br />
We went to the doctor today for her 2year check up. Stats: 29 lbs. 11oz, 34 inches and 47 cm.<br />
She is doing great! And no shots... love when there are no shots.<br />
Here are some videos and pictures from the weekend.<br />
(note... I couldn't get the videos to load so check it out on FB) <br />
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Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-57772312983056828192015-03-16T10:29:00.000-05:002015-03-16T10:29:23.266-05:00Ch ch ch changes... Things are changing round here... big time.<br />
I am leaving the U to a new job at a big insurance company. I never thought I would but the right opportunity came at the right time and what can I say... I grabbed it.<br />
I will be the program support specialist for diversity and inclusion; which means that I will support all programs both internal and external for diversity and inclusion. It is a group that is in the HR department, so I don't need to even think much about the insurance product at all.<br />
It will be a lot of the stuff that I am currently doing as far as the events and projects but with a different focus. A focus that has always been close to my heart.<br />
Wahoo...<br />
Of course I am also scared... starting a new gig is always a little nerve wracking for me.<br />
<br />
Also, my mom has decided to retire. I think it is going to be great for her.. and probably scary. She has always identified very closely with her job and considered a lot of her client close like family so that will be tough as well.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Calli is a little weary of all the changes. </td></tr>
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<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-29309596003699891902015-03-04T10:44:00.000-05:002015-03-04T10:44:07.565-05:00More snowWe are totally over it! The snow is crazy tiring. Here is something to lift your spirits.<br />
Calli was playing quietly in the other room... I know, always worrisome, and she started calling to me... I stuck... I stuck.<br />
When I found her, this is what was happening. I knew that she was ok and that we had to record the moment before she got unstuck.<br />
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<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-52508364964871446322015-02-19T16:02:00.000-05:002015-02-19T16:02:00.808-05:00Winter breakThis week Calli's daycare has been closed. Hubby was home Monday and Tuesday and I am home the rest of the week. Monday and Tuedsay happen to be REALLY cold days so the duo had to stay home. Hubby was pulling his hair out by the end of the day Tuesday with our rambunctious toddler. So I knew I had to step up my game to keep this kid under control. <br />
Yesterday we woke up at 6:30am very happy and ready to tackle the day. By 9:30 I was ready to get out even though we didn't have plans til 11. Calli and I have had a couple of successful trips to the library and since it is so close it is my go to plan. So we headed over there. We got there a few minutes before they opened and only had about 50 minutes to spend... perfect in toddler time. When we got to the kids section there were a bunch of other toddlers getting ready for story time!! Score. We have never done story time before, mostly because they are during the day. At first Calli was indifferent to it and wanted to leave, but then they pulled out the drums and she was hooked!!! It was hard to pull her away. Next we accompanied Nonna to her doctor's appointment and then off to lunch and some retail therapy!!! She was so good.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gWI0EUVc0hM/VOZOi9EPEwI/AAAAAAAAAj0/3fzgmd49vDo/s1600/Calli%2Bwadsworth.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gWI0EUVc0hM/VOZOi9EPEwI/AAAAAAAAAj0/3fzgmd49vDo/s1600/Calli%2Bwadsworth.jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a>This morning we had some errands to run before we headed out on our adventure. This time Jaime and Rob joined us. We were going to go to the Science Center but since we only had a few hours we decided on the Wadsworth. They have a Coney Island exhibit that I was interested in seeing. Calli was awesome. She loved hearing her echo as we walked around but that was the extent of the naughty. She stayed close by the whole time and seemed genuinely interested in the exhibits. We ended our adventure at Bear's Smokehouse where we (minus Calli) got to enjoy some deee-lish BBQ.<br />
Tomorrow we are planning a playdate to Timber Gyms in Newington. If that doesn't work out I have some tickets to Imagine Nation in Bristol.<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WIyQbeXg3ks/VOZOi3dkVUI/AAAAAAAAAjw/oNfp58A-g-M/s1600/image(1).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WIyQbeXg3ks/VOZOi3dkVUI/AAAAAAAAAjw/oNfp58A-g-M/s1600/image(1).jpeg" height="240" width="320" /></a> I wasn't that excited about having to take this time from work, I am working on a huge project right now. But we have had an amazing time and I am loving it. It helps that the weather has been cooperating.<br />
Hope you have a great day!<br />
xo<br />
S<br />
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<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-6297539109737228542015-02-16T18:11:00.001-05:002015-02-16T18:11:49.932-05:0038Tomorrow I turn 38. I've been walking around singing "Knock knock knockin on 40s' door...."<br />
<br />
Not since I turned 25 and then again at 35, have I felt the weight of a birthday. <br />
25 because it was a quarter of a century and that just felt like a lot (now I know better).<br />
35 because I had just lost my baby and I was thinking about trying again and what that was gonna mean being 35, and I just wasn't in the mood of celebrating.<br />
And now 38 because it is so close to 40 and there are still so many questions to consider. <br />
<br />
I was very lucky last night to get the opportunity to celebrate my birthday with my best friend at my favorite restaurant; without kids and without husbands. What a TREAT. She is seriously my touchstone and we have so much in common. She understands me, gives great advice and knows when I just need someone to listen to me.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure what tomorrow will hold... literally and figuratively but I sure am excited to find out.<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
SStefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-62931035628602152802015-01-19T10:24:00.001-05:002015-01-19T12:06:59.443-05:0021 monthsCalli is now talking in full sentences. Mostly to tell us No she is not going to do the thing we have asked her to do... no mommy, no close the door... no mommy, no shirt... you get the idea.<br />
We survived a nasty stomach bug last week and so this weekend was full of tickles and snuggles and kisses. I can't believe we are 21 months in. The baby is gone and toddler tantrums are in full swing. I can't help but laugh... except when she is kicking and swatting and spitting... those I HATE.<br />
Here are some of the cuter things she is up to... <br />
Calli likes to ask what everyone is doing, especially around bedtime. When you tell her what other people are doing she likes to tell you that she is supposed to be doing that too... daddy watching movie?... Calli too. But when someone is sleeping she is quick to say no sleeping.<br />
Calli can count to 15. We used to count the stairs to ten and then all of sudden this weekend she kept going to 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15. I was so surprised.<br />
Calli got a stool for Christmas and is loving pushing it up to the kitchen counter to see what she can get her hands on and in!!<br />
She can name a bunch of animals and their sounds.<br />
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All in all we are having a blast!<br />
xo<br />
S <br />
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<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-43155176165610604512015-01-14T09:31:00.001-05:002015-01-14T09:31:08.704-05:00JanuaryIt is so cold. I barely know how to dress myself on a daily basis much less the little one.<br />
We are just getting over some major bugs in our house. We all had a cold over the holidays. It was almost (a suspicious ear and eye) an ear infection for Calli. It was a bad cold for me and hubby got off the easiest.<br />
Fast forward to this past weekend... I stayed home on Friday because I was just miserable with another cold. Coughing, sore throat, watery eyes... the works. Calli had a not great, not bad day at daycare on Thursday but was great at night so I brought her in on Friday in hopes of getting some rest and kicking my cold to the curb. I thought she was just getting my cold. She stayed all day on Friday and had had a good day when I picked her up.<br />
Saturday, 2am, she calls for me. Greg gets her out of the crib, brings her to me, she spends about 3 minutes in our bed and vomits. ALL OVER. Then spends the next 6-8 hours vomiting every 15-30 minutes. It was just about the worst way to spend a night. I felt so bad for her... and for us. She started to feel better at about 8:30am. Then I limited her water and food intake the rest of the day in hopes of keeping the bug away.<br />
Sunday we were all ok...<br />
Monday morning 4am, hubby got it...yesterday, he got it again.<br />
I am sitting here crossing my fingers I don't get it.<br />
<br />
UGH!<br />
s Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-54780414371492901702015-01-07T10:34:00.001-05:002015-01-07T10:34:51.637-05:002015No resolutions here but definetly some questions to consider and answer:<br />
<ul>
<li>Why is Calli still waking in the middle of the night and what are you going to do about it?</li>
<li>Why do you continually say that you are going to get healthy and then immediately sabotage yourself? Do you REALLY think that buying an elliptical machine will be the answer?</li>
<li>What steps can you take in real time and in real situations to make to improve your relationships? </li>
<li>How can you take that step at work to feel like you are really doing the best job you can?</li>
<li>Start thinking about what this degree can/will do for you... </li>
<li>Where can you say "NO" to help say answer some of the questions above? </li>
</ul>
I feel like if I can keep these questions in the back of my head and continually strive to answer them I might be on a good path.<br />
Some of these questions can probably be answered today... like Calli waking in the night...<br />
Some others need more reflection and planning and some real thought.<br />
<br />
Happy New Year!!<br />
s<br />
<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-17494011337656140902015-01-01T18:54:00.000-05:002015-01-01T18:54:02.422-05:00Calli-isms<ul>
<li>Mon Mom- means C'mon mom. I realized that I say "c'mon" all the time and only really noticed when Calli started saying it too. </li>
<li>Ca Ca- are crackers</li>
<li>Uh-oh- Calli will say uh-oh when she wants you to come and see what she has done; good or bad. The quicker she repetitively says it, the quicker you better get to where she is. </li>
<li>It's a mess- Calli loves to make a mess and then tell you that it is a mess.</li>
<li>Hi Mommy- recently Calli has started waking up in the middle of the night. When I go into her room to see if she is ok, she says "Hi Mommy" as if she hadn't just been screaming bloody murder a few moments earlier.</li>
<li>I fine- Every time Calli falls or has a coughing fit or for some reason shown some distress, I will ask her if she is ok. "I fine" is the answer I always get.</li>
<li>I got you!- I'm not really sure where she picked this one up but whenever you scoop her up or there is a lull in the excitement she will come up to you, envelop you in hug and say "I got you!"</li>
<li>"Wook, Mommy wook!"-is of course look. But it sounds adorable when she says it.</li>
<li>Lately she has been shushing me because the baby is sleeping. I'm not sure if it is one of her baby dolls, because she hasn't played with them in that way with me before. But apparently there is a baby sleeping nearby that doesn't appreciate my loud voice.</li>
<li>We have also started to introduce drawing around here and all of the pencils, pens, colored pencils, and markers are all pens. Yes I made the huge blunder in giving her pens to draw with. My ottoman, coffee table and glider are all victims. Also countless shirts, socks and I have found pen marks on hands, feet, her neck and once in her ear.</li>
<li>Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mo-om and Ma- are all names that she uses to get my attention. They all have their own inflection and tone, especially dependent on what she wants at that moment.</li>
</ul>
We are having such a great time. She loves to repeat and ask what everything is and also lately she loves to ask why. Luckily I haven't gotten sick of it yet.<br />
<br />
Happy New Year!<br />
xo<br />
<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-52881404248007826612014-12-10T10:17:00.002-05:002014-12-10T10:17:44.585-05:00SantaCalli knows who he is, can point him out in a crowd and might be dreaming about him; the other morning she whispered in my ear, "Santa!"<br />
<br />
This past Sunday evening we got bundled up to hear the carol sing, watch Santa arrive and visit with him. We missed most of it but still got to visit with Santa.<br />
<br />
This is gonna be fun!<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Calli: Mesmerized by the lights and the music. Greg: freezing.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All bundled up, waiting to visit Santa.</td></tr>
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<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-70983275003863863552014-12-04T11:06:00.004-05:002014-12-04T11:06:59.713-05:00Food AllergyLast Sunday I was snacking on a pecan sticky bun and Calli was in my lap begging for a bite. I gave her a piece and as she ran back to play with her toys I turned to my computer to continue writing my paper. I could hear her in the other room gagging a little and I could tell something was wrong. I scooped her up and brought her upstairs to my husband. When we got there she vomited. We cleaned her up gave her some Benadryl and tried to get on with our day. A few minutes later she threw up again. Worrisome but nothing else was happening. I called the doctors office anyway to ask if they thought I should be worried. They wanted to see her. Turns out that vomiting is a symptom of anaphylaxis. Calli has vomited before from granola and has gotten hives from an everything cookie as well as some other stuff. The doctor felt that we were out of the woods on Sunday but wanted us to see an allergist to see what was up.<br />
Tuesday morning we visited an allergist and finally got tested. They rubbed some nut essence into Calli's arms as well as dog essence and eggs. Turns out that Calli is allergic to tree nuts, dogs and eggs (Although she can eat baked goods with eggs in them). The test itself was not that bad; the hard part was keeping Calli from scratching her arms for the 15 minute duration.<br />
Yes, you heard me...nuts. We are now a nut free family... but not peanuts. Yup. Cuh-razy!<br />
I am having a hard time processing all of this. I am hyper aware of everything she puts in her mouth. Every time she coughs I am checking to see if her lips are swelling. I am already anticipating using the epi-pen. I know that this is pretty common these days and much more do-able than it used to be... I am still FUH-REAKING out.<br />
I dreamed last night that I had to give a speech about food allergies... <br />
I know that this is normal given the gravity and newness of the news... however.<br />
<br />
Anyone out there have any experience?<br />
<br />
xo<br />
SStefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-29708550311522538582014-11-17T16:07:00.000-05:002014-11-17T16:07:04.625-05:00Speaking of videos... This is Calli singing Happy Birthday... you can't see much but you can hear her.<br />
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Enjoy!!<br />
xoxo<br />
SStefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-4721921399360184902014-11-16T21:14:00.002-05:002014-11-17T15:29:48.282-05:00Holiday magic... updateI am in need of some serious holiday magic. I am on the lookout and will jam pack my days/nights and everything in between with some serious injections of everything HOLIDAYS. I already started listening to a holiday station on Pandora and I started watching a holiday movie with Calli today. (Not sure if she noticed... but I LOVED it.) I am already planning some Santa visits and it is very likely that the holiday dish towels will come out soon... we are still using the Halloween ones! Next on the list is a holiday inspired drink at Starbucks and I will don my Santa socks. Watch out holiday season, HERE I COME!<br />
xo<br />
S<br />
<br />
A good friend found this video of me (wink wink)... nailing the holidays all over the place.<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yle5MgVG8ww" target="_blank"><wbr></wbr></a>Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-74661594523014576712014-11-05T21:54:00.000-05:002014-11-05T21:54:05.112-05:00Away...Right now I am away.<br />
I am at a conference in Boston.<br />
Away from my family.<br />
Away from my beautiful girl.<br />
Away from the office.<br />
I am sad and missing everything and everyone.<br />
But.... I am also having a good time.<br />
I am learning and networking and eating out without a high chair.<br />
<br />
Also... kinda feeling guilty.<br />
<br />
Ciao<br />
xo<br />
<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-3881946053011463572014-10-20T14:39:00.001-05:002014-10-20T14:39:45.414-05:0018 monthsSaturday marked 18 months for Calli girl! She is just so much fun! She understands so much and is so quick to pick stuff up. We are going to the doctor on Friday for her checkup, so I will update with stats then. In the meantime here are some fun videos I took last week.<br />
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<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-23957809054025845812014-10-15T13:33:00.000-05:002014-10-15T13:33:13.674-05:00October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness MonthI was scrolling through Facebook during my lunch hour, eating my salad, none the wiser and then a Huffington Post Article caught my eye. I clicked on it and read it and started to cry.<br />
I didn't know that this month was so significant. And I didn't know that today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.<br />
<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nancy-davis-johnson/the-other-quiet-mom_b_5972990.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037" target="_blank">This article</a> is really well written and I agree with a lot of it. I will talk about Luciana and but don't be surprised if I cry or if at times I won't talk about it. There are moments <u>every day </u>that I think about her and what it would be like to have two daughters. I don't know that I will ever forget. I don't know that I will ever stop grieving.<br />
I write this all to give you some insight into dealing with someone who has dealt with or is dealing with loss. First; every person is different so don't think that because your aunt/cousin/sister-in-law or whomever went through this and dealt with it their way that everyone is the same. Second, try not to tell the story of your loss or your sister's/ cousin's/ aunt's or whomever loss until that person is ready. They may not ever be ready or they might want to sign up for a support group on day one. Listening is important.<br />
The hardest part right now is that I want so much to enjoy and be present in every moment with my beautiful daughter but sometimes I get caught up in grief and I feel guilty. I shouldn't think about what could have been when I have been so incredibly blessed. But I also know that this is my story and someday I will get to tell Calliope about her sister angel that watches over us all. <br />
Sending love and hugs out to you all. Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-88380891201166785252014-10-10T13:58:00.000-05:002014-10-10T13:58:03.803-05:00Oh no... <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So we were playing outside the other day and Calli decided to pour out an almost full bottle of bubbles. I missed her yelling "OH NO" by mere moments.<br />
<br />Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-85400825594861603722014-09-15T09:37:00.000-05:002014-09-15T09:37:17.426-05:00Sleep.... sleep... s l e e p... zzzzzzzz<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-e89eyPW670Y/VBb5Br46RwI/AAAAAAAAAdU/DUgTRlaJbOk/s1600/calli%2Bmonkey%2B1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-e89eyPW670Y/VBb5Br46RwI/AAAAAAAAAdU/DUgTRlaJbOk/s1600/calli%2Bmonkey%2B1.jpeg" height="200" width="150" /></a>So the good news is that Calli has the ability to sleep through the night. The problem is that she doesn't always do it. It really is the one thing that plagues me about this girl...<br />
Well that and she does stuff for my daycare provider that she will not do for me... like eat pancakes and get pig tails.<br />
This weekend she started with a runny nose and ended with a little cough... and so it begins.<br />
Hope everyone had a great weekend. Here are some pics from this morning and yesterday.<br />
xo<br />
S <br />
<br />
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Stefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-5779489074884748382014-08-19T19:23:00.000-05:002014-08-19T19:23:05.111-05:00H E L PI look to you friends for some advice. Sleep has become a little bit of an issue around here. Some days there is plenty but on some days it is only happening during the day.<br />
For the longest time Calli was napping two times for about an hour each and going to sleep at 8:30 with a 5:30 wake up. Now she is napping sporadically, sometimes in the morning and afternoon, sometimes not all and everything in between. Our bedtime routine has become crazy... she used to nurse to sleep and go right down until the morning, and most of the time I was putting her in bed awake.<br />
For the past couple of weeks she cries her head off for an hour or so til I nurse her again or take her out and either let her sleep with me or we have to keep taking her out and rubbing her back and singing until she falls asleep. On top of all that she wakes up every night between 3-4:30. I have a hard time letting her cry it out at that time because I have to work in the morning so I usually put her in bed with me where she either falls right back asleep or she bugs me until I take her downstairs and put on the Disney channel. That was this morning... I barely had 4 hours of sleep altogether.<br />
UGH. I don't know what to do. She starts daycare back next week and hubby goes back to work and we will all be in a crazy schedule for the fall... I'm at a loss.<br />
Tonight she was rubbing her eyes by 6:30 so she went to bed without the histrionics... we will see how long it lasts...<br />
Advice.... please!<br />
<br />
sStefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-87044358842775732942014-08-08T09:57:00.002-05:002014-08-08T09:57:37.541-05:00FRIDAYWhoa this has been one l o n g week. Not a lot of sleep. Lots of worrying about Calli girl!! I am in N E E D of a weekend. Yup! TGIF big time. Hope you have a great one!!<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Smooches!</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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xoxo<br />
SStefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-65509956890994408672014-08-06T13:29:00.001-05:002014-08-06T13:29:53.168-05:00Maybe too much info...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qVL_cD4lzxg/U-JzKBVyzMI/AAAAAAAAAcw/BDcbhNCH3aU/s1600/stone+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qVL_cD4lzxg/U-JzKBVyzMI/AAAAAAAAAcw/BDcbhNCH3aU/s1600/stone+3.jpg" height="108" width="200" /></a>Calliope has not been feeling well lately. So the other day when she fell asleep in the car on the way home I didn't want to cut her nap short so I started driving around. Being in Hartford I decided to drive to the cemetery. My daughter is buried with my dad. I find a lot of comfort in that especially because it was a hard fought battle to get that to happen.<br />
<br />
<h4>
<b>DISCLAIMER!!! Here is the story. So stop reading if you don't want to know... </b></h4>
After I delivered Luciana there were so many decisions that needed to be made right away and one of them was where we would send her body. I never in a million years thought about this and it was really hard to even contemplate. Lucky for us we were surrounded by family and they helped us do the research to decide which was the best funeral home to deal with this situation. The next decision was where would we want her to rest for always. Again, not a detail that we were thinking of having to deal with. Hubby was adamant that we didn't cremate and although I also didn't want to do that we didn't know where to bury her. My father is buried in Hartford and there are three plots there with him but we didn't want to use a whole plot for her.<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1mEOCprtt0s/U-Jy0msct_I/AAAAAAAAAcg/TmvQfN-ObGY/s1600/stone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1mEOCprtt0s/U-Jy0msct_I/AAAAAAAAAcg/TmvQfN-ObGY/s1600/stone.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>My mother in law was the main contact with the funeral home for all these issues. For a while we thought we could bury her in the same plot as my father but it turned out that he wasn't buried deep enough. It was fate that my mother in law mentioned to the funeral director our names because it turned out that we went to college together and she remembered us. She worked with the cemetery to figure it out. There used to be two trees that flanked my father's grave stone, now there is one and my daughter....<br />
So when I drove to the cemetery the other day with Calli snoozing, I jumped out real quick to say hi and as I got closer I saw that one single weed was growing out of the spot where Luciana is laid to rest and it is the most beautiful weed in the universe. My favorite flowers are daisies, so the fact that these kinda look like daisies really made me a smile... and at a time when I needed a smile. <br />
<br />Not sure why I decided to share this story with you today but I came across the pictures on my phone and felt the need to share. <br />
<br />
xo<br />
SStefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7051006231257278121.post-13056116570404223772014-07-30T07:41:00.002-05:002014-07-30T07:43:08.305-05:00FacebookI am having such a problem with Facebook lately... I love to see what people are up to and watch their children grow and hear about all the good stuff that is happening. What I hate are the ads and sponsored posts and whatnot. I also feel like every time I post something I think so much about what people are thinking about me and judging me based on my posts... It really irritates me that I put so much thought into it.<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--P6EQa9FA8Y/U9jnh85DrpI/AAAAAAAAAa8/L0msA0tU-Ro/s1600/necklace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--P6EQa9FA8Y/U9jnh85DrpI/AAAAAAAAAa8/L0msA0tU-Ro/s1600/necklace.jpg" height="164" width="200" /></a>This past weekend my family and I were on a mini vacation and having some much needed time away to unwind and spend some time together and with good friends. Friday also happened to be the anniversary of my first daughter, Luciana's demise. We took a few minutes to remember and mourn and then we continued our vacation. I bought a necklace that made me think of her.<br />
I wanted to post about it and started to a few times and then didn't. I struggled with what people would think and what I would say in between my posts of enjoyment. Let's face it, I was struggling with the memory too. I've been thinking about it for days now and I really can't figure it out. I'm glad that I didn't post a thing.<br />
That day will forever be etched in my memory as the saddest day ever. Thank you for thinking of me. <br />
<br />
xo<br />
SStefaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11169073212721940306noreply@blogger.com1